I am a…

… video editor.

Among other things.

I am a romantic. A dreamer. A person with very damaged self confidence. 

I am a woodturner, a jewelry maker, a cook, a Steam and Diesel-punk enthusiast, a photographer, a cat lover, a wife. A closet writer.

Perhaps lately, though, less closeted about the writing. When I tell people I’m writing a book, they often laugh and say “Really? What is it about?”. I then shrug and mumble something about “It’s not very good,” which makes me wonder why I’ve brought it up in the first place because, honestly, that is a horrible description! Perhaps I get caught up on the fact that my grammar and punctuation are quite lacking. Perhaps I’m “harder” on the chosen genre than I like to admit – I’d put it in the Romantic Science Fiction category if I had to choose something, very heavy on the romance. And “romance” is a genre that people tend to read in the closet. Much like the place in which I write it. I have a friend who told me about a recent flight he took. The girl sitting next to him was reading on an e-reader and he casually asked what she was reading. Apparently she smiled guiltily and looked around before answering “Honestly, I’m reading Fifty Shades of Grey.” 

To be clear, I am not writing Fifty Shades of Grey. I won’t touch those graphic scenes because I generally think it is better to leave it up to the imagination. I’ll put it this way – I think of it as if I, as the writer, shove the characters into bed and then I run out of the room and close the door. I let them have their good time together, alone, because that’s how *I* prefer it. I am not an exhibitionist in the least. I don’t even own a pair of shorts (That goes back to the damaged self confidence. It doesn’t mean I’m a prude).

I’m writing about two people who meet, fall in love (even though they don’t admit it), get torn apart (torn is too strong a word, but I’m going with it for now), and then find each other again – but there’s that threat of being “torn” apart again ever looming on the horizon.  This description is only slightly better than “It’s not very good”, but I had to start somewhere.

Aaaand there’s that ugly lack of self confidence again. It would be so nice to kick that to the curb. 



2 thoughts on “I am a…”

  1. Your lack of self confidence reminds me of Anne Lamott who is one of my favorite writers. She is described as “self depreciating.” I think people like how she does it, because she’s funny and we can relate. I would like to be able to write half as funny as her. No, really 75% as funny as her would be nice so I have a lot of work to do,. She also writes about loving herself in spite of her lack of confidence.

  2. Some of my favorite writers have described themselves as having a complete lack of confidence in their writing abilities. Vonnegut; Abbey, Thompson. I think it very natural to have these feelings. The key is to keep on pushing when you run into that ‘confidence’ wall.

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