I’m participating…

… in a thing.

Vague enough for ya?

Yes. It’s true. A thing came up in a group I’m part of on Facebook and while my tendency toward thinking I am nowhere near good enough for anything keeps trying to take me down like a cheetah takes down a wildebeest – I’m not listening. At least not right now. (I’ll research whether or not cheetahs take down wildebeests later. Right now, must focus!)

I have to grab those moments of clarity and ride them through to the end. Sort of like any time I feel like throwing junk out I must drop everything I am doing otherwise and toss, toss, toss.

By taking hold of that word surge I spat out 1,147 words today on a to be 5,000 – 10,000 word story that involves food. And I have until August, so I’m optimistic.

My personal record is up around 3,500/day during the final stretch of NaNoWriMo, but I think a lot of that ended up on the editing room floor. It is possible that a lot of the work I produced during NaNo was gibberish, but it really did move my WIP#1 forward. Did I mention total rewrite? Well, it’s been totally rewritten up to … roughly the middle. I haven’t had the oomph to get much past that as yet which is unfortunate because people in that same FB group are being encouraging and saying things like “interesting concept” and “good world building”.

I would like to think I’m not the only person in the world whose ego is so precariously balanced on the approval of others. Sometimes I feel really idiotic for wanting validation. Maybe validation isn’t what I mean. I want people to say “Great job!” and I want them to mean it. I want them to believe what they’re saying. I want them to turn to their friends and say “Here. Read this. It’ll knock your socks off.” (Or maybe some other things, since I’m writing romance.)

I think, all in all, this might make me very normal – which is also something I’m not comfortable with. Normal is something I’ve never wanted to be. Make me above average. Make me below average. But not average.

Oh look! A cute kitty!
Oh look! A cute kitty!

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